Lost In Not Thinking About You
by organicapplebutter
Summary: After Jane and Maura go their separate ways, Maura lets herself falter. Can she find her way back? Rizzles.


Deep in her heart she knew she would miss it. It being, of course, the smirk and the curly hair and everything about that eye roll. In fact, she really didn't have to go all that deep to know it. But it was more than just missing it all, more than just missing her. It was the real loss. The feelings she couldn't shake. And when she left, it became all the more evident. The longer the gap between their interactions, the fewer calls made, fewer text messages and emails, everything became drenched and heavy with the thickening heartbreak that Maura felt. But she couldn't tell her. No, never could she know how much she missed her and what it all meant. It was beyond missing her...it was living-or rather lack there of-without her.

...

"Maura thought that maybe their trip to France would remind Jane that she couldn't live without Maura either. However, Maura reminded herself that she wasn't too good at reading other people. Maybe Jane had never had any feelings for her like Maura so deeply felt for Jane. At this thought Maura wrung her hands out and scratched at her neck. Of course Jane didn't feel the same way. She had left to be with Cameron. She knew that.

Yet the feeling persisted and even seemed to grow. The longing and aching over this woman-her best friend. What was she thinking...oh yeah, she wasn't...she was leaving it all to her emotions, leaving it all to chance.

...

Maura walked through her home quietly-trying not to disturb anything. As if there was something to disturb. She returned from France twelve days before, but hadn't yet unpacked. She felt lost in this place. In her home, in Boston. What was it like for Jane in Quantico...was she happy with him? She had hardly heard from any of the Rizzoli's. But that would change when she returned to work. Angela would be in the cafe and Frankie doing his detective work. Things would get back to normal...at least close to normal.

Time shifted slowly as Maura sat in her living room staring blankly at the television screen. She took note of the exact shade of black it was. She glanced around the room anxiously waiting for something to change. That was it. Change. Jane was making big changes and so could Maura. Jumping up she collected all the pillows and threw them in a pile by the door. Arms on her hips, she gazed back at her handy work. Now for the furniture. Grabbing the end of the couch she began to pull. She couldn't get the darn thing to move. Frustrated, Maura pulled again. And again. And again. It had barely budged when she heard a small laugh coming from the front entryway.

"Honey, what are you trying to do? Don't you remember we put those sticky pads on the bottoms of the couch and chairs? You're not moving them like that!" Maura jumped and tugged at her shirt. She was surprised to Angela standing in her front door with a casserole dish in hand. But then, also, she was greatly relieved...she wasn't being abandoned by the Rizzoli's after all.

"Hello Angela! What are you doing here? Come in! I'm sorry, I've made such a mess." She leaned over and began collecting up all the pillows and placed them in a pile on the couch.

"Oh I just thought I would come by, see how you were doing...what were you doing sweetie? Did you lose something under there?" Angela smiled lovingly at Maura as she took a seat at the bar.

"Well," Maura struggled back, "I just thought I would change the room around a bit, that's all. What's this?" She asked quietly, pointing at the casserole dish.

"Oh! I thought you and I could have some dinner and you could tell me about the trip! Janie wouldn't really go on about it, but I know you won't let me down. And Frankie and Tommy can help you move the furniture, Maura."

"Well thank you. You certainty didn't have to go to all that trouble. The trip was wonderful. Jane and I had a lot of fun..." beginning to unwrap the foil on the casserole dish, Maura saw that it was chicken parmesan. Suddenly, she felt sick. Like she was going to cry, like she wouldn't be able to breathe much longer. The next thing anybody knew, she had collapsed to the ground and gone unconscious.

"Maura!" Angela screeched. After about thirty long seconds, Maura awoke. \

"Come on sweetie here's some water. I'm going to take you into the hospital. I called Frankie and he said he would come by to get us. Are you alright?" Maura simply nodded. Her head ached dully as Angela prattled on about 'when's the last you ate' 'have you been drinking enough' and on and on.

"I must have hit my head. It hurts" was all she could manage back. Angela pet her head gently and smiled nervously.

"I know...you hit on the counter...what should I do?! Frankie should be here any minute." Angela grew frantic and nervous. Maura smiled and reached for her hand, attempting to give some kind of comfort. Soon Frankie arrived, and bursted through the front door.

What happened, Ma? Hey Maura, you okay? Maura? Maura!" Frankie called. As time passed Maura felt the sickness coming back, however worse. When was the last time she had eaten? Had she been getting enough water? She could barely hear the chatter around her as Frankie lifted her up and carried her to the car, Angela anxiously following behind.

"She looks so skinny! Don't you think?! Something's wrong, Frankie...call Janie and tell her what's going on! She hit her head on the counter! What if something's wrong!" Frankie grabbed his mother by the shoulders and smiled at her fondly.

"Ma, I'm sure it's fine. We're gonna take to the doctor. I'll call Jane and everything is going to be fine. So calm down and sit in the back with her and keep her company. Okay?" Angela nodded and climbed in the backseat with Maura.

"Oh Frankie I'm so worried." She whispered.

"I know, Ma. Me too."

...

"She did what?!" Jane was furiously worried about Maura. "Well why did she pass out, Frankie? Did they say what was wrong?" Frankie pursed his lips nervously.

"They haven't said. She's sleeping right now. I'll keep you updated. Try to relax..." Jane huffed. He could hear the eye roll.

"No need. I'm on my way."

"Jane! It's fine! You just got your position with the FBI. You don't need to mess this up. Maura wouldn't want you to do this—Jane?" Frankie sighed as he realized his stubborn sister had hung up the phone. He walked over to his mother who was sitting by Maura's side.

"She's on her way."

"Oh good! She needs to be here...the doctor is having her stay two nights for observation.

"Ma, she's gonna mess up her new job. Taking a month off to go to France and now this."

"Frankie, Jane knows what she's doing."

"Whatever you say..." replied the young detective, looking skeptical.

"Whatever you say."

...

Maura woke to a dark room not quite knowing where she was. Then she realized, as she looked around the room, that she was in a hospital room. She heard the beep of the heart monitor and the soft breathing coming from Angela in the chair beside her bed. She sat up and thought about what she had done. Why she was here. She felt the innumerable guilt coming forth in her stomach. She felt the sickness coming back. She could, seemingly, feel the IV drip pushing through her veins. Tears began to well up in her eyes. How could she let this happen? How could she stop taking care of herself and not even realize it? How could she cause everybody she cared for so much trouble?

The sound of her muffled sobs began to mingle with the beep and the breathes. She didn't even hear the soft footsteps chime in. She felt someone's hand rub across her back and she let herself go. She began to openly sob and she felt out of control.

"Angela," she said finally, "I'm sorry. I never meant to cause all this. I didn't realize I hadn't been eating or anything. I just wasn't thinking abo-I just wasn't thinking period. I'm so sorry."

"Well that's fine, but she's asleep. I think she'll probably forgive you though." Jane smiled as Maura looked up in shock.

"J-Jane? What are you doing here?! No! No. You need to get back to your job. You can't be wasting all this time on me. I'm fine! You shouldn't have come all this way...I-I-thank you. But you should go back." Maura looked down at her lap, watching her hands fidget with each other.

"Hey, you know I can't do that. Besides classes don't actually start for another two weeks. I just got there early to prepare. We need to figure out why this happened, Maur. I need to know you're okay. Okay?" Jane patted her head and laughed slightly when her mother let out a snore.

"They must have given her something for anxiety. She's totally gone." Jane laughed, trying to cheer her friend up.

"I'm sorry, Jane." Was the only reaction she got.

...

Morning came and Maura awoke thinking about the night before. It must have been a dream...she hoped. She looked over at the empty chair and gave a sigh of relief. Maybe it really had been a dream. She began to reflect on the events of the previous day. Her choices. She felt the sickness coming back and she knew she had to get out of there. Carefully extracting the IV from her arm, she slipped out of bed. Then, removing the monitor from her finger and turning off the machine, she walked towards the door. Peering quietly out the window she opened the door cautiously and dropped down the hall. Following the signs, she made her way to the elevator. Luckily it was early enough that no one was around. She knew, though, that she would have to get out of the hospital gown if she wanted to make it very far...there wasn't any time she would just have to make do. Exiting the hospital she quickly walked across the parking lot and onto the main road. Following along the sidewalk, she made her way towards her home. The more the realization of what she was doing hit her, the faster her pace became. Soon, she had broken into a jog. It was still mostly dark out. No one was around. She was going to be fine. Her house wasn't too far. Or at least it didn't seem too far away. She soon had made it home. She sighed with more relief as she swung open her unlocked door. Maura had made it home, but what had she really done? How would her choices affect her life. They would throw her in the psychiatric hospital for evaluation. What had she done? She needed to get out. Way far away. Changing clothes, Maura grabbed her keys and purse. She grabbed her phone at first, then left it on the counter. They could track her that way. How was this all becoming so dramatic? She wondered. She was being irrational and frantic. Not thinking logically. But it didn't matter now. They would be here soon enough and she had to go. She got in the car and drove calmly to the airport.

It was all over now.

...

Jane parked her car in Maura's driveway and rushed to the door. After hearing that her friend had gone missing from the hospital she slammed her foot on the gas and sped over to her home. She unlocked the door and held her hand of her gun in the holster. She moved deftly through the house. When she found no sign of Maura she picked up her phone and called her for what must have been the twentieth time that morning. She heard a ring and ran over to the kitchen where she found the phone on the kitchen counter.

"Dammit!" She exclaimed. Getting back in the car, she drove to the precinct where she would try to track credit cards and license plates.

...

"Hello. I'd like to purchase a ticket to Europe please." The man behind the counter drew his eyebrows together in confusion.

"Where in Europe, Ma'am?"

"Where ever. Just your soonest flight out."

"Okay…we've got a 11:15 to Amsterdam, a 11:35 to Iceland…"

"Amsterdam! What time is it now."

"Okay..its currently 11:00, but I think you can make it because the gates right up here."

"I'll take it."

Maura payed for her ticket and made her way to the gate. it was delayed ten minutes so she quickly went to an ATM and withdrew 2,000 dollars from her account and then broke her credit and debit cards in half and threw them out in the bathroom trash.

"Boarding will now begin for flight 1066 to Amsterdam. We would now like to board all active service members, children under the age of two, and boarding group one."

Maura made her way to the gate, scanned her ticket, and boarded the plane. Taking her seat, she didn't even bother to buckle her seat belt. If the plane went down she would too. She glanced out the window. The plane began to move through the runways and gain speed. She felt a bump and she looked back out the window. They had taken off.

Now she could sigh.

...

Jane stomped into the precinct to find her mother talking to Frankie in the tech room. Nina was typing away on her computer trying to find Maura no doubt.

"What's the report." It wasn't a question, it was an order.

"Uhm…"

"Report, Frankie. Nina?" Nina pursed her lips and glanced over at Frankie. He nodded and she focused in on her computer, bringing up the information she had gathered on the main viewer.

"We found Maura's car at the airport. She purchased a ticket for the 1066 to Amsterdam. It landed an hour ago. She withdrew two-thousand dollars from her checking account, but other wise no activity." Jane frowned and scratched at her hands. Angela came up behind her daughter and rubbed her back.

"Jane—" Jane moved away from her mother and put her arms at her side. The room was silent. Suddenly, Jane slammed her fist down on the neighboring desk.

"Why is she doing this! Dammit! Somethings wrong—I just-I don't understand." She moved around the desk and sat down. She ran her hands through her long curls and sighed.

"Nina is there anyway you can look up her history in Europe. I mean look up every detail. I want to predict her movements, figure this out. Have a report on my desk as soon as possible. I'm going to call in a favor." She let her hands fall and slap her thighs and pushed up off the chair.

"I'll have it all done tonight and will deliver a verbal and print report to you pronto."

"Take your time. Get it right. Thanks, Nina. Help her out Frankie. It will be easier with two sets of eyes." Frankie nodded and lent over the desk to get a better look at the computer.

"Ma, come here." Jane pulled her mother by the arm and walked her to the cafe.

"Go home. To Maur's. Take care of the place while we figure this out. I'll be there in a while. Try to get some rest and try not to worry too much." Angela frowned.

"Jane, I want to do something. She's like my daughter too, you know." Jane shut her eyes moment and drug her arm up to her mother's shoulder./span/p

"Ma. Go. Home. Theres nothing you can do here. Fix some dinner. Eat something. Maybe bring Frankie, Nina and me something later. Okay? Please?" Angela's eyes slanted and crossed down to the ground before coming back up to meet her daughters.

"Okay." She mumbled.

"Janie! Bring her home. And be safe." Jane nodded and stalked off to call in that favor. Angela headed home to Maura' class="m_3972615970249826328Apple-converted-space"

"Hello?"

"Cameron? It's Jane."

"How is she? Is everything alright?"

"She's missing. She flew to Amsterdam and I need to call in a favor. I need you to help me find her."

"Well Jane. She's over eighteen…"

"Dammit Cameron. She ran from the hospital. Somethings wrong. You have to do something. I have to do something. Please. If anything happened to her…just…you've got to help me. Please."

"Alright, alright. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

"Jane? Be careful."

"I will."

...

Maura had taken the train to a small village just outside of Madrid. She wrote a check at the train station to withdraw ten-thousand dollars when they stopped in France for the connection. She exchanged the money for the correct currency and rented a small, small house 10 miles from the small village centre. The woman who rented to her gave her a discount and requested she take care of the few chickens, one cow, two goats, and donkey that inhabited the farm house property. Maura readily agreed.

She had been there a week. So far, no one had found her but she still couldn't relax. _Maybe in a month. Maybe in a year._ She thought to herself.

It was early morning. Maura had awoken to her rooster, howling to the sun. She pulled a cotton dress she had purchased in the market over her head. She pulled her hair up into a bun and shoved a Spanish looking headband she had also gotten on her head. She went out and collected the eggs from the chickens. Then she moved over to the cow and began the morning milking the poor thing, next came the feeding. She skipped milking the goats. She passed feed out to all the animals and filled their troughs up with water. Then she rode into the market on a bicycle that was at the house when she got it. She sold the milk and the eggs and bought some plants to put in the house, some cheese, and a loaf of bread. While she was in town the woman whose house she was renting came up to her with her daughter who was Maura's age.

[DISCLAIMER: MAURA AND THE PEOPLE SHE ENCOUNTERS IN SPAIN SPEAK SPANISH. I, HOWEVER, TOOK FRENCH AND THEREFORE THIS IS GOING TO BE WRITTEN IN ENGLISH. JUST PRETEND ITS OKAY. THANK YOU.]

"Hello! Thank you for letting me have the house and the animals. Its all so nice. Do you want the money from the milk and eggs? I have it here."

"Oh, I'm so glad you're taking care of them. Keep the money you make it will keep you going. This is my daughter Luciana. Luciana this is Maura, she's renting nana's old farm house." Luciana smiled at Maura and for the first time since Maura had gotten back from France, she found herself smiling, genuinely, back.

"Nice to meet you…"

"You too! Im glad we found someone to take care of that old place. It is so far from town and all those animals. If you would like, I can show you how to make butter, cheese and things like that. Share some old Spanish recipes. You know, use fresh stuff from the animals and the garden? It could be fun if you don't have too much to do…"

"I would love that." Maura replied dumbly.

"Really? We could go now. I've gotten nothing to do today, but i'm busy all week."

"Thats fine, y-yes." Luciana smiled.

"I'll get my bike. You look like you need to eat anyway! Hah!" Running off to get her bicycle, she left Maura staring blanking at her mother and then off into the market. She could use the company anyway, she thought. And when was the last time she had eaten anyway. She had gone into the market several times, gotten bread and cheese taken one slice off each and then left it to rot.

 _Just like me._ She supposed.

 _Just like me._

...

"What've you got!" Jane practically jumped into the swivel chair next to Nina.

"Uhm..well Maura used a check to withdraw ten-thousand big ones in Paris. Near the train station. That's all we've got."

"She must be somewhere in France! Obviously. She lived there for years. She's probably staying with an old friend. We need to follow that lead. Did you dig up any useful information from her history?"

""I put a list of known contacts who reside some where in France or right outside of France on your desk along with the history report. Nothing that stands out. Frankie and I went over it. Nothing. Maybe we should try contacting some of those people in France or the French authorities? Let me know."

"I'll talk to the contacts. Don't bring in the authorities. Not yet." Nina nodded as Jane hurried out of the room. She turned back to her desk and sighed.

"I guess i'll keep digging…"

...

"Hello?"

"Hi, yeah. Is this Marie Heisten?"

"Yes…who is this?"

"Detective Jane Rizzoli. I'm a friend of Maura's?"

"Oh…Is something wrong?"

"No, no. Well, sort of. I was wondering if you had seen Maura. She's…um…well she has gone missing and her last known location was Paris, France."

"Oh god…no I haven't seen her. She hasn't even come by or anything. I'll check my email, maybe she sent me something? I don't know. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Please, give me a call at this number if you have any information later."

"Of course…I-I hope she's alright…"

"Me too."

...

"Oh, wow! You've cleaned it all up. I know how dusty it gets in here." Maura gave a small smile as she sat her things from the market down on the counter. Luciana walked through the house and sat down in the chair in the living area.

"Alright, what would you like for dinner?"

"Oh…uhmmm, well I don't really…know." Maura stumbled. Luciana laughed.

"Well then I'll surprise you? Okay. Let's see what we've got out there." In a few hours, Luciana had finished a pot of gazpacho.

"How's this?" She asked, holding out a spoon for taste. Maura awkwardly took a taste and nodded./

"Oh, it's delicious. It really is." Luciana smiled and took down some bowls and Maura reached around her to the drawer with the spoons in it. As Luciana filled the bowls she sliced the fresh bread she had bought at the market and put it on the table along with some flower they had picked in the garden. They ate in silence as the sun carved long canyon walls in the sky. All illuminating pinks and reds. Maura ate slowly, mostly just trying to please her guest who seemed more like a host than a guest. Maura felt out of place but more at home than in her home in Boston. She ground her teeth at this remembrance. It was the first time she had thought about Boston since she had gotten on the airplane. And then she thought of Jane. Of course she would be looking for her. But would she? Something pulled at Maura telling her that if she waited here long enough she wouldn't have to worry about Jane looking for her. And something else told her it wouldn't be that long that she would have to wait either. And further, that something told her she could spend the rest of her life here and that maybe that wouldn't be that long .

"Don't you like it?" Maura hadn't realized she had stopped enjoying her supper and the question startled her so that she dropped the spoon in the bowl.

"Oh-oh. I love it. Sorry, I was just thinking…. I got distracted." Luciana smiled and reached over and covered Maura's hand with her own.

"You're letting your soup get cold, my dear." Maura looked down at their hands together and drew hers away. Sitting back in her seat, she crossed her arms over her chest. The blue light from the window cast down on the table through the vase of flowers. She looked through the ray of light penetrating the room and followed the dust that flit around in the air. And she wondered just how long she could last.

..

A week later, Maura finally went back to the market, eggs and milk in tow. She had even brought a few vegetables to sell. She hadn't seen Luciana since that night she had made dinner and part of her hoped she would never she her again. The other part however…She rode into the market and sold her things quickly. As she walked though the market, pushing her bike along, she looked for something to buy. _Maybe a blanket would be nice, or a sun hat, or both?_ She thought, determinately, wanting to be okay.

She purchased a blue, green, and purple hand-threaded blanket and a weaved sun hat with a thin beaded band around the middle. Happy with her purchases, she headed towards the road home until she felt a tap on her shoulder that stopped her in her tracks. She turned and there was Luciana with her bike.

"Maura! Hey! I was hoping I could come by today? I have some fish. I thought we could make a paella? A small one, obviously. Do you like seafood?"

"Oh…well yes. But, what time is it? Isn't too late?"

"Well, its only eleven? And besides you need to eat! You look starved." She laughed, only half joking. Maura frowned.

"I do eat." She turned and pushed her bike to the end of town with Luciana following after her. She got her bike and rode home. When she got there she turned to see behind her and saw Luciana standing there, short of breathe.

"You go so fast! Oh, don't make that face. You never said I couldn't come." Gathering the fish and Maura's blanket she walked in the house leaving Maura standing there. Maura could hear the pans banging around and Luciana singing some kind of a song. She frowned again, picked some spinach and basil and walked into the house.

..

The days and weeks went by like this. Luciana would come over and feed Maura what ever she would eat and Maura would take care of the garden and the animals and buy things she thought might please her in the market. Sometimes she would even get a gift for Luciana or her mother. Sometimes she would buy something for Jane and put it on the windowsill, pretending it was something just to fill up the house.

One day the two women sat out in the yard weeding the garden. Luciana looked worriedly at her companion.

"Who are you running from?" Maura looked up suddenly and then quickly back down at her work.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Well I just mean, you seem so sad and just—I don't know. You don't eat much, you don't talk much…Oh, nevermind. If you want to tell me you can tell me." Maura looked up at her friend, confused. They both went back to pulling the weeds.

"Why don't you get married like your mother wants?" Maura interjected into the silence and the heat of the day. Startled at first, Luciana froze. But then smiled.

"Haha. Well, I'm not really into what my mother wants."

"You don't want to get married?"

"Not to a man."

"I guess there aren't many men here to choose from."

"No Maura. For me, there aren't any many anywhere."

"…oh…" Maura looked back down at the weeds. Luciana smiled.

"I'm running from Jane." Luciana looked up, smiled.

"Tell me about her."

"She's my best friend." Luciana continued gardening, waiting for her to continue.

Um, she has brown eyes and thick, curly black hair. She is a detective in Boston where I live—used to live. Well she used to be. Now she teaches for the F.B.I. and she's dating, well they're probably married now…his name is Cameron. Anyway, she is vary sarcastic. I don't really understand…you know what she's doing when she's being funny. Im too literal, I guess. But she makes me laugh anyway. Her mother, Angela, used to live in my guest house. She has two brothers, I love them all. They're my closest family. She is basically the only friend I've ever had. Besides you."

"Why are you running from your closest family?"

"Oh, well…i guess because I was nervous. Nervous things weren't going the way I had expected. Nervous about the way I was feeling. About me, about her, about us, about everything."

"You like her?"

"Well of course. She is my best friend! I love her."

No, silly. I mean do you want to be with her? Do you want to kiss her and hold her? Are you in love with her?"

"…oh…well, i mean, um…sure."/

"Sure?"

"Ugh, okay yes. Yes I do. But there's nothing to do. She is in love with Cameron. Not me. She's not even—she would never go for me."

"So you came all this way because of that?"

"Yes. Well, no. I was in the hospital because I had passed out and hit my head. Because I hadn't been eating or drinking enough or something. Anyway I got so worried and anxious that I had ruined everything that I ran. Straight from the hospital room. I got on an airplane then a train then a taxi and all just to get here. Anyway its been 6 months and she hasn't found me so I guess I did alright. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but its too late now. If I go back she'll be so angry with me and she will likely be married and i'll have to have a psychiatric evaluation. It would just be awful."

"You should go, Maura."

Hahaa. No. No way. Theres too much to face. Too much to lose."

"Maura?

Yes?"

"I'll drive you to the train station. On Wednesday.

"It already Monday!"/span/p

""So go pack and mentally prepare yourself."

..

Jane sat in her Boston apartment with fingers wrapped around her coffee cup. She heard her mother open the door and announce herself, but she couldn't find the energy to react. Maura had been gone 6 months with no sign of anything. What had happened? How did their lives get to be this way? What was wrong that Maura had to escape from a hospital and go 007 and leave the country? Jane had all kinds of questions that she ran over and over in her head trying to find the answers.

"Hey sweetie, I was just heading home. To Maura's, you know. You wanna come by? I'll fix you something to eat."

"I cant go in there, Ma."

"Oh sweetheart…just come with me. Maybe theres something there you missed? Ill cook a big supper."

"You're right. I missed Maura. Thats what I missed."

"Well…I'll bring you something by tomorrow morning.

"Sure, ma." Angela frowned, but left anyway. Making her way to Maura's house.

..

Maura took a taxi from the airport to her house. She didn't even know if it would still be her house. If they would have kept it for her. When she got there it seemed like nothing had changed. she didn't see anyones car, but the front door was unlocked so she walkedin.

"Hello…? Anyone home?" Maura smiled slightly at her old furniture. They had kept it for her. She smelled food in the kitchen and suddenly she grew to be very nervous. Maybe she shouldn't have come. She heard the side door close. Angela must have come from the guest house. Maybe she's just cooking dinner in the main house. She heard the side door close and footsteps lead into the kitchen.

Finally she mustered up the courage to round the corner into the kitchen.

"Angela?" She said softly after standing and watching her surrogate mother cook a while. Angela looked up, startled.

"M-maura…Oh my god! Sweetie I'm so glad you're okay we were all w-worried sick!" She ran over in tears. Hugging Maura as hard as she could. Maura hesitated, but hugged back, feeling warmth and guilt fill the pit of her stomach.

 _How could I ever have done this to her? To all of them._

"I'm going to call Jane. Hold on, stay right there."

"Oh, no! Not if she's all the way in D.C…..with Cameron. They're probably busy…"

"Oh don't be silly, honey. She lives here, in Boston. She thinks about you everyday." Maura froze…Jane never stopped looking for her.

"Janie! You've got to come over right away."

"Not now, Ma."

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli. Come here. I think you missed something."

...

Jane pulled up to Maura's frustrated but curious. Ever ready to be disappointed.

"Hey ma." Jane stopped. She saw the back of a honey-blonde head sitting on the couch. Her heart stopped. Her mouth dropped open.

""Maur…?" She whispered. Maura turned slowly and stood up. She awkwardly gazed down at the ground and rubbed her hands along the hem of her dress.

"Hello, Jane…I-I'm sorry…I know you must be—" Jane rushed over to her in tears. She wrapped her arms around her and lifted her into the air, gave her a hug.

"Maura! I was so worried. I thought something had happened to you! I had no idea why you had gone…it doesn't matter right now, tell me when you're ready. Just as long as you never do it again. You could teach a class on how to disappear off the face of the earth in less than a week. I mean really it was impressive."

"Jane im sorry. I don't know what happened. Everything happened so quickly. I just-I'm sorry."

"Just tell me why."/

I—I love you. I love you so much, Jane. And when I was in Spain with Luciana, I would sit out in the fields and listen. Just listen to crickets and the wind through the reeds and the wheat grass, and in all of it I would think of you. Of your breathe when we would watch things on the couch and how even and thick it was. I would go to the market and run my hands through all the fabrics they had and I would think of your hair and how it felt in my hands when i would rest them on your back or on your head. I would listen to Luciana say things about anythings and I would think of what you would say. What you would add to the conversation. I love you, Jane. I know you may not feel the same way, but I have to tell you because I feel it so strongly and just it is my whole body my brain that loves you and I cant go on no knowing if you feel the same way because you're my whole world, really…anyway…it doesn't matter I guess…I jus-" Jane put her arms around Maura's neck and their lips crashed together. When they finally pulled apart Jane replied

"I love you, too…and whatever happens, Maur, we'll get through it. Together.

...

A/N: Okay kiddos. I know I kinda rushed it at the end there. Let me know if you think I should make a sequel about their relationship following this storyline so that theres a little more rizzles and less solitude and OC interaction. Please comment about thinks I can do better and I'll try to rewrite the parts you think i should fix or add a second chapter with a short follow up about what happens with them after this instead of a whole sequal. Also, Im thinking of picking one of my unfinished RI pieces and completing it and then posting the whole thing at once but in chapters. PLease let me know if you have any preference on which one you would like me to finish. Thank you so so so much for reading and for reviewing and everything! Live long and prosper my class="m_3972615970249826328Apple-converted-space" /span/em/span/p


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